Doubt.

I’ve been an Uber & Lyft driver for just over a month now. Someday I’ll write a post about all the crazy conversations I’ve had (drug dealers, teenage date nights, three generations of drunk Scottish people, etc.), but I’ll save that for another time.

It was 7:30am as I pulled up to the house. A couple walked out on to the front porch. He gave her a kiss and she started walking towards my car adjusting her shirt on the way. She got in my car, I confirmed that we were headed to the Holiday Inn down by Disney, and we were on our way. I forget how we got there, but we had started talking about religion (a better topic than politics as of late), and the woman said, “I’ll be honest with you, I just got out of jail, and it was hard in there because all these different people would come in trying to help us with their religion. I couldn’t figure it out because they all told me their religion was the right one.”

There was some silence and then she said, “They can’t all be right can they?”

I really had no idea what to say, so I simply uttered, “No, I don’t think so. But I don’t really like to think about what’s right. The word right bugs me. Too many people have been hurt by that word.”

She was curious and asked me to explain. I said, “I mean whether someone is right or wrong is kind if irrelevant if the person your talking to doesn’t believe it. Lately I’ve been thinking about things in terms of whether or not they are good for me.” And then I anxiously said, “And I guess I’ve been realizing that Jesus is really good for me.”

There was some silence and then the woman said, “I’ve never thought about it that way.” Some more silence, and then she asked,

“Are you sure about Jesus?”

I don’t really know why I responded this way, but for once I was actually completely honest and I said, “No, I’m not.”

Her natural response followed, “What do you mean?”

I replied, “I have doubts. I’m not 100% sure about Jesus. Some days I’m 90% sure I believe in him, other days I’m 51% sure I believe in him, and I suppose there are times where I’ve been 10% sure.”

And then this woman asked a question that really struck me at my core. With a timid shiver in her voice she asked,

“You’re allowed to have doubts and still be a Christian?”

My heart softened and I realized we were stepping into a really sacred space in this woman’s life. I carefully whispered back, “Yeah, you are. In fact, I think Jesus welcomes your doubt.”

She replied, “I had no idea. I thought you had to be sure. And I had no idea how all these people were so sure of everything all the time.”

I laughed a little bit and said, “Yeah, I’m not sure how all those people are sure of everything all the time either. What I do know is when I’m honest about my doubt and my uncertainty, Jesus has a way of showing up.”

I pulled up to the Holiday Inn, the woman smiled, thanked me for the ride and said, “I’ll have to reconsider this whole Jesus thing.”

If you’re anything like me, the idea of sharing your faith is daunting. I almost always feel awkward, unsure, and downright clumsy about it. I’m sure there are a plethora of reasons I feel this way, but what I realized in talking to this woman is that I think one of the reasons I struggle to share Jesus with people is because I doubt.

I have doubts. I’m not 100% sure. I don’t know with absolute certainty that I’m right.

And I pray that this isn’t too cliché to stomach, but I really don’t think faith is about being 100% sure. I don’t think it’s about being “right”.

I’m on this journey and I know for certain that I haven’t arrived yet, but right now Jesus is using people like this woman to show me that I don’t have to be 100% sure to invite people to  consider a relationship with Him.

And so I invite you to wonder with me:

I wonder if more people would be open to a relationship with Jesus if they new it was okay to have doubts?

I wonder if more people would be open to Jesus and His love if they knew it was okay to wrestle with him?

I wonder if people would be more open to the Jesus I believe in if I was willing to be a little more vulnerable about my uncertainty, and a little more intentional about sitting with others in the midst of their uncertainty and doubt?

I invite you to wonder with me. I invite you to walk with me. And I invite you to meet people where they are at in the midst of your doubt and in the midst of their doubt too. And who knows, maybe, just maybe, Jesus will show up in a way we didn’t expect! It’s happened before.

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